catch up e-mail

I’ve decided to catch up on some e-mail.
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Dear Saint Garion,

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Thanks,

~Eric

Dear Eric,

The answer is simple: It’s because you get to smoke in prison and not in school.

When I found the cigarettes, burning into the sleeping bag; my last sleeping bag: destroyed. I thought my hand was passing through the tent wall. It was as if I was some sort of wraith, there to destroy the campground. It was so cold, so wet, that I thought about sleeping in the cigarette fire. It turns out there was a hole in the tent.

Sincerely,

Saint Garion

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Dear Saint Garion,

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Let me know, OK?

Tommy

Dear Tommy,

You know I find arguing with idiots can be fun and extremely satisfying. Why just today I was speaking with the assistant minister and I voiced an important idea, “I’ve decided that the mailroom shouldn’t take incoming mail anymore, we should go paperless.”

Trained to believe and think (as opposed to just believe) he entered into a convulsive cognitive distress. It was the highlight of my week.

Sincerely,

Saint Garion