Small Talk (WWSGBD)

Dear Saint Garion,

I am tormented daily by others in my office, co-“workers”, with small talk. All this endless chatter about the weather and the Florida Marlins is driving me insane! Tell me Saint Garion, what would you say to some creepy guy that keeps cornering you in the elevator at work to talk about the weather? I mean what the fuck? Asking me if I’m fine!? What the shit is that?!

-Leslie

And Saint Garion Said Unto God: “Let’s say someone corners you in their workplace, an elevator or something, and asks you if you’re fine or asks about the weather.”

God: “I would say something like ‘hey look there’s a column of fire in the elevator, asshole,’ and fill their fridge with those little poisonous frogs.”

And Saint Garion Said Unto the Lord: “Let’s say someone corners you, asks you if you’re fine or asks about the weather.”

The Lord (wagging his tail): “I would ask if they were hungry, and give them food, and ask if they were thirsty and give them drink, no matter what they said. And I would give them some new clothes, without asking if they needed any.”

And Saint Garion Said Unto the Buddha: “Let’s say someone corners you, asks you if you’re fine or asks about the weather.”

The Buddha: “I’m hungry and have to pee.”

Leslie,

I would start dressing like a Mormon, and carry a Bible while at work. Invite them to a church that you don’t attend, hand them a set of Mormon clothes, and tell them that you’re hungry and have to pee. If that doesn’t work, fill their refrigerator with frogs.

Hope this helps,

_Saint Garion