tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-127795292011-12-01T10:27:37.277-06:00TheWeirdcrap.com offers an outlet for Bel Garion. Which is good because it keeps him off the streets.Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.comBlogger611100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-22280461587921542262007-04-10T19:58:00.000-05:002007-04-10T20:02:17.991-05:00

I’ve decided to catch up on some e-mail. ___________________________________ Dear Saint Garion, Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Thanks,~Eric Dear Eric, The answer is simple: It’s because you get to smoke in prison and not in school. When I found the cigarettes, burning into the sleeping bag; my last sleeping bag: destroyed.

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-68860769309676924382007-03-07T21:21:00.001-06:002007-03-07T21:21:32.569-06:00

The Lord, unhappy that I have not posted to this blog in such a long time has taken to shitting on my bed. In response I've erected a wooden cross and mounted it on my nightstand. Not in remembrance of HIM but as a warning, "Shit on this bed again and you'll get far worse than a beating." And now it is written by some guy (and therefore true and infallible) that the dog known as the Lord stays

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-91739803710625486142007-03-05T18:16:00.001-06:002007-03-05T18:16:53.094-06:00

The Lord, unhappy that I have not posted to this blog in such a long time has taken to shitting on my bed. In response I’ve erected a wooden cross and mounted it on my nightstand. Not in remembrance of HIM but as a warning, “Shit on this bed again and you’ll get far worse than a beating.” And now it is written by some guy (and therefore true and infallible) that the dog known as the

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1165885215624264652006-12-11T18:59:00.000-06:002006-12-11T19:00:28.250-06:00

I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anymore. According to Comedy Central Bush and Cheney are criminals. Why are they all over the news? What have they done now? Who cares? Its Christmas time and Christmas is under attack, never mind about our civil rights. It’s Christmas and I’ve got shit to buy and a God to avoid. We put up our Christmas tree, and the Lord tells me

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1162254477022085642006-10-30T18:27:00.000-06:002006-10-30T18:27:57.053-06:00

This past weekend my friends and I celebrated Halloween. There was punch equipped with dry ice and grain alcohol, a fire, a cauldron, an excess of sweet sugary deserts, and way too much whiskey. It’s the whiskey that I blame. The punch was way too weak to be responsible for the behavior, and the sugar only pushes one so far. The Lord was running about, there were lesbians everywhere and

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1161358884889362002006-10-20T10:36:00.000-05:002006-10-20T17:36:27.426-05:00

Married on Friday the 13th of October my bride and I ventured outside of the U.S. thinking, “Hey that Bahamas place might be a nice place to visit.” Well we were wrong, dreadfully wrong. The place is in a persistent state of decay, and the natives were some of the most aggressive sales people I’ve run into since going to a Baptist church. The worst part of the trip was the fact that the Lord

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1158068075533414412006-09-12T08:32:00.000-05:002006-09-12T08:34:35.553-05:00

by Saint Garion BelAs I mentioned in my last post, the Old Fuck Bastard came upstairs, knocked on my front door at about 11PM, and asked if my sister would like to go downstairs with him for a few drinks and some nice music… And as promised, this is what the Bride had to say to the Old Fuck Bastard downstairs after a few more drinks… The Bride walks outside and halfway down the stairs to the

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1156425416824224202006-08-24T08:15:00.000-05:002006-08-24T08:16:56.836-05:00

By Saint Garion BelOver the weekend my bride and I had her brother and my sister over for dinner. We ended up drinking quite a bit that night, and the three of them got into a political and religious discussion on the front deck. I, not having any interest in these things, retired to my after dinner xbox game of Star Wars. That’s the fiction where the guy in charge of the empire is really also

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1152538587410750372006-07-10T08:35:00.000-05:002006-07-10T08:36:27.426-05:00

And Buddha said unto the Lord, “You must un-learn what you have learned.”The Lord was looking upon the Buddha, who pissing on the floor in front of the litter box, “but we’re supposed to pee IN the box.”The Lord looked about the room for the punishment that would certainly befall the Buddha, but it did not come.Buddha, moving to defecate position, “we are dogs, which means we pee and poop where

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1151266306187932482006-06-25T15:11:00.000-05:002006-06-25T15:11:46.203-05:00

Our internet service has been down for three days now, and I’m starting to take it personal. I mean the Lord’s people fucking pay out the nose for this cable modem service so it can be fucking out all of the god damn fuck time?This cannot continue; something must be done.God: “Like what?”And why can’t I pay my fucking bill on-line? It’s a fucking ISP!God: “Well they probably don’t want to

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1149120104638118162006-05-31T19:00:00.000-05:002006-05-31T19:01:44.653-05:00

And so it came to pass that Saint Garion got engaged. The lord was confused but God saw that it was good. No longer will she be called the enchanting paramour, now she is the bride. This of course means that we’ve been very busy. I find myself spending too much money and without any time. I’m also trying to imagine what will happen if my crazy ass family and her crazy ass family ever

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1147743441856789882006-05-15T20:36:00.000-05:002006-05-15T20:46:28.016-05:00

Walking around in the mall is a favorite pastime for those, who like me, have nothing to do with their time. Sometimes I like to go out and people watch, which has proven much more rewarding than going out to see, well a movie like mission impossible 3 for example. There I was, pissed off about another wasted 8 fuck dollars at the movies. GODAMMIT! I decided to go and torment the people in

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1147144605089287792006-05-08T22:16:00.000-05:002006-05-08T22:16:45.106-05:00

I’ve just returned from seeing Mission Impossible III, and it sucked. Actually the move would have been great had I cared whether Tom Cruise and his wife lived or died. I mean the guy was sliding down the roof of a building and I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be great if he fell to his death right here and Ving Rhames ends up taking over to save his wife. Then they could have lots and lots

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1146456523184690982006-04-30T23:07:00.000-05:002006-04-30T23:08:43.216-05:00

Family parties can be difficult. Especially when you’re as fond as saying FUCK as I am… I was sitting too close to the pool where the kiddies were playing and saying fuck this, fuck that, fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck, and before I knew it, they were crying. Being pissed off at our President for trying his best to facilitate the end of the world doesn’t help either. Easing EPA clean air

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1145316715613785282006-04-17T18:31:00.000-05:002006-04-17T18:31:55.626-05:00

Dreaming doesn’t count when it’s about something stupid. The Buddha (a.k.a. little fuck bastard) dreams of chewing my CAT-5 cable. And then he fucking does it, severing me from the internet.Now that it’s Easter and everyone is over here folding paper cranes… I forgot what I was going to say. These assholes have been here since last night and don’t seem to want to stop, folding cranes. It is

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1144724302953363982006-04-10T21:56:00.000-05:002006-04-10T21:58:22.966-05:00

This week’s article is late and I’ll tell you why: I have been completely uninspired. But a few minutes ago…God the Father Spoke In The Head of Saint Garion: “Hey, I’ll bet you that Ket’s girl is knocked up.”Saint Garion: “By Ket? Holy Shit! What the fuck? How?”God: “Yes – That means they had sex.”Saint Garion: “But don’t they use protection?”God: “Yes, but the Lord’s work cannot be

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1144108051934240272006-04-03T18:46:00.000-05:002006-04-03T18:47:31.950-05:00

Dear Saint Garion,I am tormented daily by others in my office, co-“workers”, with small talk. All this endless chatter about the weather and the Florida Marlins is driving me insane! Tell me Saint Garion, what would you say to some creepy guy that keeps cornering you in the elevator at work to talk about the weather? I mean what the fuck? Asking me if I’m fine!? What the shit is that?! -

Saint Garion Belhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02146888269007727511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1143436208875249152006-03-26T23:10:00.000-06:002006-03-26T23:10:08.916-06:00

By Saint Garion   My enchanting paramour and I went to a Jazz and Blues Festival over at the local zoo on Friday night.  It was All-You-Can-Eat-And-Drink for 30 bucks a person.  I know, it sounds expensive but we took them to the bank for the amount of wine that we consumed.    We drank more when we got home and our neighbor came out to visit, (this is the neighbor that is not the

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1142811395516157022006-03-19T17:36:00.000-06:002006-03-19T17:36:35.553-06:00

By Saint Garion   For Saint Patrick’s Day we all went down to the local Irish pub, where the Lord and Buddha chased some kids around in a circle, playing their “who can heal the 6 year-old faster after she smashes her head into the ground” game.  Terrifying to watch, but of course had they not been there things would have been worse.  The pub was using the parking lot for overflow but the

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1141583175754416332006-03-05T12:26:00.000-06:002006-03-05T12:26:18.526-06:00

By Garion Bel   Walking the Lord and the Buddha yesterday, we ran into… well I’ll get to that.  Up until that moment the day had been uncharacteristically pleasant.  Breakfast had been good.  I had a fantastic cup of coffee which I followed up with an equally fantastic shit.  It was a beautiful day so I decided, what the hell let us go for a walk.  What is the worst that could possibly happen

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1140976806052586642006-02-26T12:00:00.000-06:002006-02-26T12:00:06.266-06:00

By Garion Bel   Outside of Saint Garion’s house the wind blows softly, trees sway this way and that, and a neighbor’s child takes an electric chainsaw out to the golf course to practice his game.  Safe on the deck Saint Garion and Ket play Scrabble.   Saint Garion waiting for Ket to make his move:  “What a fucking idiot.”   Ket:  “What?”   Saint Garion:  “Look at that kid!”   The kid

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1140485658516789922006-02-20T19:33:00.000-06:002006-02-21T17:47:05.920-06:00

Few things on this earth are more enjoyable than getting a new puppy dog. But the enjoyment that a new little puppy dog brings can be cut dramatically short when it becomes obvious that there is more than just a small dog’s intelligence behind those big little eyes.Training a supernaturally intelligent puppy is a challenge. This dog, I believe, was Buddha in a former life. Meaning of course that

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1139762788138659122006-02-12T10:45:00.000-06:002006-02-18T12:38:27.083-06:00

Ket Darby here,So I was hungry for some Mole sauce... it's this really good chocolate hot sauce that they put on some Mexican Foods. There are only a couple of places in town that makes it, so I headed for the closet one. So I drove over to get some for lunch. I pulled onto the side road that leads to the parking lot in back only to find a cop car blocking the way in. He had a cute Asian girl in

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1139365767576748402006-02-07T20:26:00.000-06:002006-02-07T20:29:27.613-06:00

by Saint Garion's friend Ket DarbySo I have heard some people claim that the recient disasters in America were proof that God was mad at the US, and more specailly New Orleans. I must say that it's a load of horse poo. You ever read about what God does when he is pissed, he raining sulfer, not huricanes. I have never heard of a naturnally occuring sulfer storm. Granted I am not a weather

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1138688913350455112006-01-31T00:22:00.000-06:002006-01-31T00:29:22.283-06:00

Ket Darby’s commentary on God’s Silver Medal made a little too much sense, so I asked God about it.God: “Yes and No. Ket is obviously insane.”Saint Garion: “What?”God: “The Jews were definitely my first chosen people and if they wanted me back I’d take them, but they don’t. That isn’t to say I’d leave anyone else, just that it is they who have left me. When it occurred to me that I wasn’t

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1138232385470379942006-01-25T17:37:00.000-06:002006-01-25T17:39:45.486-06:00

by Saint Garion's friend Ket Darby You even noticed that often times Christianity is kind of mean to Judaism? I think I know why. So I read the Bible once and it talked about how the Jewish people were the chosen ones. I can't blame God, I mean Jewish girls are hot. The Bible talks about God talking to Moses, and the Burning Bush and all that. I mean the Jewish people and God are tight

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1137627854720168422006-01-18T17:43:00.000-06:002006-01-18T17:44:14.733-06:00

I went to Tampa last weekend to celebrate the marriage of two friends in an obscure and arcane ritual known only as a “catholic wedding”. The wedding, of course, took care of itself, but I did kill a cow and bathe in its blood shortly after arriving in Tampa, just to be safe. (It was the lord’s idea. One of the cows was making faces at him. The other cows thought it was funny up until I

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1136854227236090712006-01-09T18:49:00.000-06:002006-01-09T18:50:27.250-06:00

The sad thing about the holidays is that when they are over, you have to recover. I have eaten sooo much goat cheese that I don’t think I’ll ever… So when do you think that a whole lot of bone becomes way too much bone for the divine puppy?Well I happen to know the answer, it was about as big as him and made him sick ‘cause we made him eat it. We’ve spent all day trying to catch the

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1136335272558277192006-01-03T18:40:00.000-06:002006-01-03T18:41:12.570-06:00

This was the first Christmas the Lord has really paid attention to what was going on, and well, he’d like to make some changes. And the Lord who is a puppy said unto Saint Garion, “I think they should call it Goatcheesemas.”Saint Garion (reluctantly): “Are you going to tell me why…”The Lord who was excited: “ya ya we call it Goatcheesemas and then tell the people to put a goat head on the top

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1135623072975279162005-12-26T12:49:00.000-06:002005-12-26T12:51:12.990-06:00

For those of you that don’t believe in the divine, you should get into your car right now, travel to your local grocer and purchase some goat cheese. As part of our Christmas celebration, we sat in front of the TV eating meat, cheese, and crackers. Now when the goat cheese touched my tongue God appeared before us by crashing through our living room window as a dove, and filling the room with a

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1135036418487515962005-12-19T17:52:00.000-06:002005-12-19T17:53:38.500-06:00

God: “Hey Saint Garion, what the fuck is all this war on Christmas shit about? People down there are just going on and on about this Christmas thing…”Saint Garion: “Well it is this ‘holy’ day that the folks down here just sort of passed into law that is supposed to be in remembrance of the Lord Jesus Christ’s birthday. Instead what you have is an orgy of greed which culminates into orgasm on

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1134515944051332132005-12-13T17:17:00.000-06:002005-12-13T17:19:04.073-06:00

I’m late with this week’s article for a number of reasons… Here; I’ll explain. My girlfriend’s birthday, and my best friend’s bachelor party just happened to fall on the same weekend. So If I wasn’t blasted, getting lap dances at some strip club in Atlanta with my buddies, I was blasted and away in throws of ecstasy at the hands of my enchanting paramour. So while this isn’t an apology, at

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1133723007716696842005-12-04T13:02:00.000-06:002005-12-04T13:03:30.160-06:00

By special guest writer Saint John (Translation by Saint Garion Bel)[The following is a Psalm of Saint John. Saint John is now homeless but was formerly of the middle class that Bush is trying very hard to wipe out. Due to his poor public education he has been a staunch Republican for most of his life despite his modest income. He never checked anything with a “D” by it on a ballot, until

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1133225869302685952005-11-28T18:57:00.000-06:002005-11-28T18:57:49.343-06:00

Continuity problems seldom come up when one deals in the weird, but when the angry guy decides he’s gonna turn on the religious guy… you get an illegal holy war in the desert. I don’t pretend to know why. For some reason Stephen believes he “owns” the black man that is called Jerome.We’ll its time to clear up all the confusion and explain why Jerome went into the fit that he did when Stephen

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1132618605851940062005-11-21T18:16:00.000-06:002005-11-22T06:20:54.470-06:00

The other day when I was walking the Lord, we came upon a parking lot where a man was hopping from car to car, shitting whole apples. The man’s eyes were wild and rolling around in his head with pain, “Yeeehowww!” he’d say each time. His hair was loosing more of its color with each shit.Saint Garion: “Holy Crap!”The Lord: “I wish I could do that!”Some random chick to Saint Garion: “Hey didn’t you

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1132025166769450982005-11-14T21:25:00.000-06:002005-11-14T21:26:06.783-06:00

After popping Jerome’s head off and killing the unknown evils lurking within the mind of the Old Bastard Fuck Neighbor’s cat. I called upon the Lord to go into the Old Bastard Fuck Neighbor’s apartment and retrieve Jerome’s head. The Lord: “Why?”Saint Garion: “He deserves better than living in there. And I’ll shake the coke can full of pennies if you don’t.”Dutifully the puppy who is the Lord

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1131116687368888912005-11-04T09:04:00.000-06:002005-11-04T21:56:03.756-06:00

Ten years ago on this very day I had my very first drink. Tequila: a fine starter drink. I was told that drinking was of the devil, and so was sex. So just after finishing a bottle and hanging from a diving board in a pool between two chicks that liked to kiss each other over my shoulder, God spoke to me for the very first time.God: "Does this feel evil?"Garion: "Fuck no."The girls were confused

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1130783670270644662005-10-31T12:33:00.000-06:002005-10-31T12:34:30.283-06:00

By Saint Garion BelThe rise of gas prices, the reliability of my old taxi cab, and the sincere lack of any sort of desire in our government to pursue any sort of alternative, has led me to the conclusion that I need a vehicle that will burn less fuel. So while the HUMMER dealership was having a charity celebration getting the rich folks to consume extra fuel, I was out learning to ride a

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1129932770013915192005-10-21T17:11:00.000-05:002005-10-21T17:26:45.306-05:00

By Saint Garion BelAs I was wondering the coast of Florida last weekend I ran across a group of women drinking tequila… with sprees… and hidden cucumbers… I paused for a moment and peered into their minds. They were doing math in their heads. My curiosity was peaked so I approached the group. The Lord hates the beach and was convinced that we were going back to the car, so when we changed

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1129490730918037342005-10-16T14:25:00.000-05:002005-10-16T14:25:30.926-05:00

Vacation spots in Florida can be annoying because of the bugs, the pervasive heat, and angry locals, but this last trip to Saint Augustine was quite pleasant. We stayed in a Bed and Breakfast which meant that we had a luxurious room and a hot tub but very little in the way of privacy. I’m not sure what bothered us more about the place; the creepy little man from Wisconsin that owned it and

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1128790296074247832005-10-08T11:51:00.000-05:002005-10-08T11:51:36.083-05:00

My enchanting paramour and I came home last night to find the Lord in combat with a swarm of flies. He was loosing (as much as a dog can loose to a fly) ‘cause every time he killed one he’d feel sorry for it and bring it back. The night before I seem to remember thinking, “man these things have really gotten aggressive, that one just landed on me without a second thought…” Turns out it thought

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1128193779644767212005-10-01T14:08:00.000-05:002005-10-01T14:09:39.656-05:00

The other night my old fuck bastard neighbor was speaking ill of the Lord. He was going on and on about how much the Lord was out of control and of how afraid of the Lord that he is, “Fuck the Lord.” He continued on for about an hour or so, unfortunately for him my enchanting paramour happened to overhear this old fuck bastard’s tirade when she went out to smoke. The old fuck bastard neighbor

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1127793242787493102005-09-26T22:53:00.000-05:002005-09-26T22:54:02.793-05:00

Forgive me, but it is time for a rant. Some asshole knocked on my door this morning at 7am (I suspect it was the neighbor), but by the time I determined that there was no smoke / fire and got the shotgun down out of the closet, they were gone. That and I’ve been horribly ill for a week and a half.Cindy Sheehan’s treatment at the hands of this president should make every American (especially the

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1126982364645715182005-09-17T13:38:00.000-05:002005-09-17T13:39:33.250-05:00

by GarionNight 2 in Atlanta and we hadn’t been able to find out where any strip clubs were; needless to say I was feeling very distraught. Far, far away at home the Lord was whining. Luckily the Lesbians with Breasts of Unusual Size (LBUS) had a table set up at the event, and they recommended that we ask someone called a concierge where a good strip club might be, after failing to find a

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1126364965829121582005-09-10T10:08:00.000-05:002005-09-10T10:12:39.120-05:00

By GarionWhile our government and our president was allowing people to suffer and die due to their incompetence, three of my lesbian apostles and I went to a kick ass party. We were going to give out liquor on the Gulf coast but then I sensed that my people were gathering in Atlanta. I didn’t know why but I had to go.Lesbians drive angry. They run red lights, swerve in and out of lanes, which

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1125613381178091392005-09-01T17:22:00.000-05:002005-09-01T17:23:48.913-05:00

by Garion,Looks as if everyone's going to be riding bikes for the foreseeable future. Gas is fucking insanely priced around here. People are killing each other at the pumps; greedy gas station owners are taking advantage of people's fears, raising the prices higher and higher by the minute. I just came across town and saw the price go up and down during my 30 minute trip by $0.40.Anyway, off I go

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1125148419764368102005-08-27T08:12:00.000-05:002005-08-27T08:13:39.770-05:00

By GarionWeelll my fuck truck is on the fritz yet again. Maybe I should have changed the oil in the last year or so, but what the hell. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was going to die, and that I wasn’t going to do anything to stop it. I’ve had it for like 10 years now and I figure it’s just time to get something new. I just didn’t want to get something new right before

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1124566483719915912005-08-20T14:33:00.000-05:002005-08-20T14:34:43.723-05:00

By GarionIn protest of the new regime of terror that began when the woman next door called animal control on the Lord, I and several dozen other dog owners set up camp just outside of her home. After realizing she had the wrong dog in the first place, she called in everyone else’s dog to Animal Control, hoping that one of us would be the owner of the animal that “terrorized” her angry rage fuck

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1123888371039071912005-08-12T18:11:00.000-05:002005-08-12T18:12:51.046-05:00

by GarionAnd the Lord said unto Garion, "Let Animal Control come, all they can do is kill me, I'll just come back.""Yes, but as what?" I asked."A turtle." sayeth the Lord.Then I told the Lord, "Unacceptable, I shall call upon your father." God hearing Garion's words spoke unto his Saint, "So you're ready to beat some ass?""Yep," I replied matter-of-factly."Take the Lord for a walk." God

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1123292141674707532005-08-05T20:35:00.000-05:002005-08-05T20:37:05.650-05:00

By GarionToday my enchanting paramour found a notice on our door from Animal Control. It contained a threat to take the Lord away from us...Upon reading this, the Lord and I gazed upon one another, he with his big brown pitiful puppy eyes, and I with my green fanatical human eyes, were joined in dread purpose. The old fat white bitch down the way had a run in yesterday night with another neighbor

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1122682779132509012005-07-29T19:16:00.000-05:002005-07-29T20:44:25.180-05:00

By Garion,It occurred to me that it was time to write my blog so I have fastened myself into a brace and using my arms have hoisted myself into this chair. Despite my great fuck back pain I will write this to you and hopefully fascinate you yet again with the shit that comes out of my head and God’s mouth.I’ve been laid out on my back all week, wondering when the lord would stop chewing on my

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1122083158737574432005-07-22T20:44:00.000-05:002005-07-22T21:54:58.713-05:00

by Garion Bel,Until this afternoon I was having a pretty good week. God has kept the fuck out of my head. I went into work on Monday, and took the rest of the fuck week off. I could have done something productive with my time like, study java, read a book, or go for a fuck walk and get some exercise, but I didn't.I did work out on Tuesday but pretty much stayed drunk and played video games for

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1121375791854198352005-07-14T16:15:00.000-05:002005-07-15T17:18:21.943-05:00

By Garion BelMy peaceful rest was interrupted rudely on Thursday morning when the Lord, disturbed by the soft knock, knock, fuck knocking on the front door, started barking. It was 5am, and some person, maybe the neighbor, was knocking on my door. Persistently. I told the Lord to hush and rolled over a few times. The Lord just whimpered, as an apology, and would bark again. Isn’t the Lord a great

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1120927226970754222005-07-09T11:39:00.000-05:002005-07-09T11:49:39.646-05:00

Dear Garion,Work has gotten worse. My project ended on July 1 but the extended it to the 8th so that the management (and I use the term in the loosest sense possible) could talk about transition of my areas duties to the other available areas. I still haven’t been told what my job (if I have one) will be after this transition is made.This project has been hell and I am definitely ready to move on

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1120259915719315712005-07-01T18:17:00.000-05:002005-07-02T20:02:58.976-05:00

By Garion BelEveryone is at least a little odd nowadays, take Bob and I for example, but recently my girlfriend has run into some folks at the coffee shop that are really, really, fucked in the head. The first is a man thing that took to constantly walking back and forth across the front of her store, careening his head around the whole time to, well, look at her and freak her the-fuck out. She

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1119651150582362262005-06-24T17:11:00.000-05:002005-06-24T18:33:34.926-05:00

By Garion Bel Dear Garion,My wife and I are considering rejoining the church. We don’t really like the people there, and they treat us like they are better than us, but it’ll give us something interesting to do. Maybe we can change some of the people there for the better. They might even let my liberal ass teach a class and my wife is talking about starting a new career as a pastor.Work has been

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1119048919630877142005-06-17T17:53:00.000-05:002005-06-17T18:31:51.703-05:00

by Garion Bel Inspired for reasons unknown God has started speaking through me again, which is really freaking out the fuckers in the grocery store. Garion: “What?” God: “I’m fucking telling you that we can so make our own pizzas, one for me, one for you.” Garion: “I CANNOT be eating for two all the time, don’t you have another saint on the planet somewhere?” God: “Yes, but one can’t really eat

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1118431878835539842005-06-10T14:30:00.000-05:002005-06-10T14:32:34.733-05:00

This weekend was supposed to have been a fucking camping weekend. The plan was that we would go and, well, chill the fuck out. No work, just sun, fishing, drinking, and maybe some naked frizz bee on the beach at night. Which really freaks out the Jesus freaks; the beach regulars and the old folks don’t seem to mind, at all, in fact if they see us out there they cheer. But it’s all gone horribly

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1117914159795608342005-06-04T14:41:00.000-05:002005-06-04T14:48:27.530-05:00

Last night we were invited to a house warming party where I, using my super power, got everyone who doesn’t normally drink, or believes themselves incapable of drinking, completely trashed. During the party we exchanged some drinking stories, and I told the group of the time when in college I drank so much that I passed out in the shower.Helpless from the poison that my lesbian roommate fed me at

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1117235696103714232005-05-27T18:14:00.000-05:002005-05-28T20:58:05.353-05:00

By Garion BelMy girlfriend bought me this great cell phone accessory; an earpiece with a microphone. What-is-it-fucking-called? A Headset.I’ve had some great conversations in my truck lately. People, I find are more likely to call me when I am trying to fucking drive, pissed off at some old bastard who drives like he probably fucking walks, or swerving away from some oblivious fuck female

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12779529.post-1115691856141255822005-05-09T21:21:00.000-05:002005-05-09T21:24:16.146-05:00

I went out last night with some new friends and drank enough alcohol to kill a large tree. This is my account of what happened, as I now remember it. And yes, lesbian passion will explode.We went out to a Tex-Mex restaurant, and drank about 11-12 beers a piece. I had to check the receipt; I don’t really remember drinking that many beers. We were sitting on the restaurant patio, scaring the people

Bob Senitramhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13295475403857638676noreply@blogger.com0